Secretly Serviced

Secret Servicemen, caught out with whores,
Sent a shock through the diplomat corps.
(It's a precept of theirs
That "foreign affairs
Are more in our purview than yours.")

Members of the US Secret Service assigned to prepare for President Barack Obama's arrival in Cartagena were accused of hosting prostitutes for overnight visits in their hotel rooms. This potentially critical lapse in security cast a pall over the President's arrival at the important Summit of the Americas in Colombia on Friday. However, it did not derail one key accomplishment: the implementation of the new US-Colombian free trade pact.

A Strategic Withdrawal

The L.A. town council, climactic'ly,
Ruled that porn stars must act prophylactic'ly.
"To mandate a condom
Is really beyond 'em,"
Said producers; "We're pulling out tactic'ly."

In a case of regulatory overreach made for limericks, the Los Angeles City Council passed an ordinance that actors in pornographic productions must wear condoms as a condition of obtaining a film permit. Some immediately decried this unwarranted government penetration into business affairs, sensing a backdoor attempt to regulate the industry's license. Porn moguls fear that this law could lead to flaccid sales in a business that has never developed a pulsating market for safe sex films. The city responded that the filmmakers are being too thin-skinned about condoms, the use of which is really a public health issue. Taking a cue from their on-screen birth control practices, movie producers threatened withdrawal from a domain of which they are evidently not master. Industry observers (also known as voyeurs) cautioned against premature evacuation, as the business is too entrenched in Los Angeles. It is estimated that 80% of US pornographic films are produced within the San Fernando Valley.